Do You Know That You Matter?

Today I want to talk to you about the power of validation and how writing a book is a great way for us to validate our experiences and our worth.

I speak to a lot of people every day, and I’m aware that many people have doubts about their worth. They’re not entirely sure about the value they bring to their world, and I not only feel their pain, I know it personally.

For some, their self-doubt is so debilitating and all they can do is focus their energy on managing their anxiety and depression on a daily basis.

For others, the self-doubt is like a nagging voice in the back of their mind whispering to them ‘You’re not good enough’ over and over, and it is exhausting for them.

And then there are those who have fleeting moments of self-doubt and after a quick check in and a little positive self-talk, they are able to find their confidence and happily get back to doing what they were doing. Now that sounds super healthy in terms of mental health, but most of us aren’t there.

If you are someone who struggles with self-doubt, read on, and let’s explore how writing can be a great tool for validation and building self-esteem, whether you see yourself as a writer or not.

For those people who do struggle with self- doubt, positive validation is a powerful thing – especially from a healing perspective – and it can help us to regenerate and power on, even when we are not sure about ourselves.

But as long as we are seeking validation from outside sources, how we feel about ourselves is very much at the mercy of others. And that’s not healthy or sustainable.

Whilst giving a speech to the Born This Way Foundation, Oprah Winfrey said this:

“There’s a common denominator in the human experience that we all share. We all want to know that what we do and what we say and who we are matters. We want to be validated…”

When I first heard Oprah say that, I was astounded by the simple truth in it. We do all want, and indeed, need to know that we matter. But we all have varying degrees of certainty and uncertainty about our worth and this is where I know that writing a book can make a massive difference.

I’m talking specifically about recording your life experiences in the form of a memoir and sharing what you have learned in a way that can make a positive difference to someone else.

Now before you dismiss the idea because you don’t see yourself as an author, you might never actually publish your book, but the simple act of recording your life experiences and reviewing what you’ve gone through and what you have learned from an objective perspective, is a powerful way to see how far you have come and how much you have grown, despite the hardships you have faced in your lifetime.

Do you think that might change the way you see yourself? I know it will. Because writing a book changes the way people see themselves and I can tell you that from both personal and professional experience.

Writing a book changes the way people see themselves.

As a publisher, I have seen it time and time again, when an author finally pushes through their self-doubt and pushed the publish button on their book, they are liberated and they literally vibrate on a different level to where they were before.

You’ve probably heard the saying that if you are not feeling good about yourself, the best thing you can do is to go and help someone else. There is a reason for that. Helping someone else shifts your focus. It lifts you out of your state of being and gives you an opportunity to see yourself making a difference to someone else.

This is how self-esteem works. We build self-esteem when we see ourselves doing something that matters to us.

I can give you so many examples of authors we have worked with at Disruptive Publishing who simply shared their stories and found the gold in their experiences which they then shared so that their readers might have an easier experience should they ever find themselves in the same set of circumstances.

So how do you write your story? How do you actually go about achieving that?

Well I can tell you that you don’t need to be a writer. You just need to think of this exercise as recording your history.

Start by writing your ‘why’. Why do you want to write your book? What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to help, beside yourself? And how do you want to help them?

Then list the main events in your life – the big moments that have formed the stepping stones between the various stages of your time here. These will become your chapters.

Start each chapter with what happened. Then describe how it happened, how you felt about it and how it changed you.

What sort of impact did the event have on you? Where and how did you grow as a result. These are the things people really want to know about. Not just the events but the thoughts, the feelings and the realisations that came from the events.

Finally, share what you would say to someone who was going through something similar.

Once you have finished, put it aside for a couple of days, then go back and read your story from start to finish and see how you feel about yourself now.

Writing your story in this way will be a life-changing experience that will require an investment of your time and energy, but I promise that you will see yourself with completely new eyes. And you will know for sure that you have something of value to offer.

That’s it from me for today.

I do hope you got lots of ideas from this and that you will follow through and write your book, regardless of whether you publish it or not. It will be a powerful, healing process for you and something I wholeheartedly encourage.

But if you do decide you want to take the next step toward becoming a published author then reach out to us and let us help you. We have a school for authors called the Authorpreneur’s Bootcamp where we teach you everything you need to know about writing, publishing and promoting your book and we’d love to have you join us.

You can find out more at

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Authorpreneur’s Bootcamp


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